Archive for November, 2010

NASA got a few dunces in its day

Sunday, November 28th, 2010

I am so glad Michael Collins never walked on the Moon.

Imagine a spacecraft of the future, with a crew of a thousand ladies, off for Alpha Centauri, with 2,000 breasts bobbing beautifully and quivering delightfully in response to every weightless movement… and I am the commander of the craft, and it is Saturday morning and time for inspection, naturally.
Michael Collins

He’s the astronaut who’s neither Neil Armstrong or Buzz Aldrin.

That’s not strictly a good thing to be glad for, that somebody will never walk on the Moon, but come on. You represented all of humanity in space. As if aliens weren’t already perplexed by, you know, everything on this planet. Then we got this guy hanging out around the dang Moon being an asshole all by himself.

Ein Musikalischer Spaß

Monday, November 15th, 2010

This is extremely funny. It’s like Victor Borge 150 years before there was a Victor Borge.

Selecting bread for a sandwich

Saturday, November 13th, 2010

It will be useful to prepare oneself beforehand, and in utter silence, by grave immobilities, before approaching the bread.

Make sure it is wheat bread. Do not be afraid.

Repress scarring childhood memories of father being macerated by a grain thresher, but not for too long.

Savor your memory of living in a one-room apartment above a bakery in Versailles as you gently, very gently, remove two slices of bread.

Remember to breathe.

Clouseau

Saturday, November 6th, 2010

Who doesn’t love Peter Sellers? A gifted comedian who it seems very few people were able to know on a personal level. Some of the things he did in Being There and Doctor Strangelove seem nearly miraculous. You feel lucky to know any of it was caught on film.

Somehow, though, the Pink Panther movies are incredibly boring. And there are like twenty of them. I think Blake Edwards, who is no slouch either, thought he was making really gripping crime movies with funny bits thrown in, rather than the other way around.

Tales from Shark Tank

Wednesday, November 3rd, 2010

On the set

I’ve finished three weeks of production assistant work on Shark Tank, ABC’s reality show about entrepreneurs pitching their ideas to venture capitalists. I can’t say a whole lot due to the threat of a $5 million fine if I break the non-disclosure agreement, but I can say that on the last day, I stopped one of the Sharks, Robert Herjavec, on his way back to the set with an important message. Throughout the first season and the taping of this season, he’s dressed very sharply. His suits are cut to within an inch of his life and the color coordination of his shirts and ties shows up great on television. Possibly the work of a wardrobe supervisor, but it’s all his own clothing.

I caught his eye from the side and said, “Mr. Herjavec, I know you’re very busy, but I wanted to say that I think you are a very sharp dresser.”

He looked at me like I asked him to autograph my butt. He paused for a tiny moment to see if I was going to continue, and flatly said, “Thank you,” and continued walking. It’s a cliché that if you’re working below the line, you never, ever talk to the talent. Maybe he’d heard of it. My thinking was: A) it was a cliché and each of us is trying to make the same show and B) people like to be told they look good.

Either way, I went home the last few nights with bags full of craft services because they were emptying out their stock and very sweetly said, “Take these or we’ll throw them out.”