REBECCA
Who knew dorm parties could be so much fun, huh, Greg?
GREG
Only on the sixth floor, Rebecca.
REBECCA
Have you written that humanities paper for me for me yet?
GREG
I have to write my own essays too, Rebecca. Maybe on the next one you could do the outline or something.
REBECCA
Greg, I’m pretty busy with my false teeth collection.
Dan approaches them.
DAN
Aren’t you just cheating both yourself and the school?
GREG
You’re such a buzzkill, Dan.
REBECCA
Look, Dan, let me tell you something. I’m getting a degree in statistics.
GREG
Get it, Dan? Stat.
REBECCA
All right? That’s what this school is third in the country for.
DAN
My academic advisor told me not to talk to you two. She said you’re a bad influence.
REBECCA
That’s exactly the kind of thing a buzzkiller would say.
GREG
Dan, you’re making me thirsty.
Greg goes.
DAN
There are mean people at this party.
REBECCA
That’s all I ever hear from you. “I’m too cold. I can’t play my guitar here. There are mean people at this party.”
DAN
I’m going.
REBECCA
Go practice your major seventh chords.
Greg returns with a drink.
GREG
Pomegranate and Red Bull? That’s heaven in a cup!