COMMUNIST, an old-timey sidewalk hustler, grabs the attention of a rosy-cheeked American YOUTH.
COMMUNIST
Hey, kid. You there, American youth!
YOUTH
Me?
COMMUNIST
Yeah, you! Have you heard about Communism?
YOUTH
Com-Communism?
COMMUNIST
Yeah, kid, it’s the latest thing. You should really come over to Russia and give it a whirl.
YOUTH
Well what’s it all about?
COMMUNIST
It’s a classless, stateless society, where ownership of all property and means of production is held by everyone.
YOUTH
Well golly, that sounds pretty neat. You Russians have got it pretty well together.
COMMUNIST
Sure do, son. Care to join up?
YOUTH
Well let me ask first. Is there free speech guaranteed for the media, arts, and the people?
COMMUNIST
No way. We wouldn’t want any dissenting opinions.
YOUTH
All right. Will necessary items like toilet paper and bread be available as it’s needed?
COMMUNIST
You’ll have to wait in line like everyone else.
YOUTH
I see. Are women and men equal in this society?
COMMUNIST
Not at all. Women are held in common alongside cows and shoes.
YOUTH
Boy, I don’t know. It sure sounds tempting.
COMMUNIST
(holds out clipboard)
Sign here, son. I think you’ll really get a kick out of it.
YOUTH is about to sign the clipboard. MEDIA runs in.
MEDIA
Hold on one cotton-picking second! You’re Old Man Fascism!
COMMUNIST
Curses!
YOUTH
What?
COMMUNIST
And I would have gotten away with it too if it wasn’t for you, Mr. and Mrs. John Q. Smith from Anytown, USA.
MEDIA
I am the US Media! I can see right through your disguise!
YOUTH
I’m not going to wear your gray tunics and lose my true-blue American denim and Chuck Taylors!
COMMUNIST
But—
YOUTH
Good day to you, sir!
MEDIA pulls a lever and COMMUNIST drops through a trap door.
MEDIA
So, Mr. and Mrs. Smith, are you ready for higher education in a capitalist state?
YOUTH
I sure am! But where are the teachers?
MEDIA
Statewide layoffs.
YOUTH
My textbooks?
MEDIA
Treasury austerity plan.
YOUTH
Student loan?
MEDIA
Federal budget cuts.
YOUTH
But how am I supposed to get an education?
MEDIA
This is your education!
Mug to the audience.